no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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