Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
