Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
