We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.