I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
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i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
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My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.