i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
