i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
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Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
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Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.