so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.