Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
