Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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