He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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