oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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