Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
