i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
