fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
