Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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