Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
