so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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