Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
