i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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