One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
