The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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