The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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