Cold hands, warm shart.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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