okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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