If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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