Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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