so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
