They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize