Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
