I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
