I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just google imaged poop.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
