Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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