you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
