You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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