I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
