Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
