Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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