I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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