my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
