Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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