I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Life is so much better after having sex.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
