just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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