forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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