see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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