I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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