from now on my penis is your penis
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
