yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we made out on top of his cat.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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