OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
