Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
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I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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