I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
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She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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