Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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