I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize