tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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