you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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