Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
What a dumb baby whore.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
