sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
