I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
