After last night, I could never be a politician.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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