Kareoke will never be a sober sport
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
