He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
