Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
