i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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