You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
