theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
