dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
