I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
