can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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