I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You may now shotgun with the bride
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
