Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
people are starting to question the shark bite story
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
