So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
