He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
