He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
