Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize