don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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