You can't special order awesome
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
