when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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