put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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