Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
