I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
