Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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