She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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