This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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