Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She's the barista slut.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
