I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
